2016: Palestinian Diary (SATIRE)

November 26, 2012 1:08 pm 2 comments

PA President Mahmoud Abbas. Photo: wiki commons.

Ramallah, Nov. 29, 2016– This diary in Arabic (translated here ) was found here today in the ruins of PLO headquarters, apparently from the journals of PLO chief Mahmoud Abbas, also known by the nickname Abu-Abbas.

Dear Diary (November 20, 2012),

Some of my best friends are Jewish, people whose families came from Poland and stole our orchards. They have a saying in their Yiddish dialect: tzis shvehr tzuzayn ah-yid: It is hard to be Jewish.

Well, diary, I don’t usually get inspiration from the Jews who came from Poland, but it is hard to be Palestinian, especially a Palestinian leader. It is like what that Jewish comedian, Rodney Dangerfield,  used to say: “I get no respect.” Or as they say in Chicago: “Don’t you be disrespecting me!!!!”

As I get us closer to UN recognition, the whole world only talks about those primitive ruffians in Hamas who launched  rockets at Israel, only to be bloodied.

But let me get back to Poland. Some of our people are saying that my comrade, Yasser Arafat, was poisoned by the Polish-born Zionists with a radioactive element named for Poland—Polonium.

That is why this week we spent our time digging up the rotting body of my predecessor, the greatest Palestinian leader,  Yasser Arafat, whose real name was Muhammad Raouf al-Kudwa, and who was never a Palestinian. [Yes, of course we pretend Raouf  was "Palestinian," but we know very well that he was born and raised in Egypt and, until the Zionists poisoned him with their Polish stuff, he spoke with an Egyptian accent.]

Sometimes—even most of the time—being a leader means having to pretend. I had many differences with Raouf, but when he became “Arafat” he showed me and others just how far you could get by talking out of both sides one’s mouth.  He was invited to the UN, and he got a Nobel Peace Prize for tricking the Zionists into thinking he actually wanted to make friends with them. He was a genius, that Raouf. And he was never even coached and trained the way the Russian KGB taught me. He was a natural dissimulator. Perhaps that is the reason he took the nickname “Abu ‘Amaar,” recalling ‘Amaar, the first Muslim to practice taqiyya, the art of Islamic deception.

Think of it, he got a Nobel Peace Prize and a UN presence without having a country, an army or even a teleprompter.

There was an American president named Lincoln who said you could not fool all of the people all of the time.  Maybe.  But as I learned from Yasser, there is no limit on how much and how often you can fool someone, if they want to be fooled. There are even Zionists who think that Hamas in Gaza and the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt will make peace with them.

I must give Hamas and the Brotherhood credit. They are learning the tricks that Arafat and I taught them: Always tell people what they want to believe.

It is like telling the world that Raouf was killed with a Polish poison administered by Zionists. We know the truth. We know just how many ailments Raouf had.

We who pretend to be Palestinian leaders, we who pretend to be interested in peace, we know that Raouf was a homosexual pedophile. He had no interest in women, and no interest in peace with Israel, but only in taking pieces out of Israel.

As for “Palestine,” anyone who knows Arabic knows that “Palestine”   is a foreign word in Arabic. We do not even have a “P” in our alphabet. But there is a “P” in Hebrew, and  I love to watch Israeli leftists who never studied Arabic or our culture go into an ecstatic rapture about the need to establish “Palestine.”

Yes Raouf was right about the Israeli Left. There is no limit to how many times you can fool those who want to be fooled.

I hope when I die that they dig up my body too, like Raouf’s, and then re-bury me with full military honors. Then I will finally get the respect that is due me.

Dr. Michael Widlanski, an expert on Arab politics and communications, is the author of  Battle for Our Minds: Western Elites and the Terror Threat published by  Threshold/Simon and Schuster. A former reporter, correspondent and editor, respectively at The New York Times, Cox Newspapers and The Jerusalem Post, he was  Strategic Affairs Advisor in Israel’s Ministry of Public Security and teaches at Bar Ilan University.

2 Comments

  • I would like to remind or educate your readers of the “label palistinain”

    Every Jew at one time pre1948 was a palsitinian.
    Arabs were not called that wonderful endearing name given by rome over 2000 years ago to Israel and The tribes of Israel to replace the name Israel and hebrew etc.

    Before 1973 I dont think we ever heard an arab calling himself a pali.It was arafart that did the media PR.

    The Jews as usual like sheep followed by using that name as a arab description as well as using a few more false terms such as: west bank / occupied territory / settlers / east jerusalem / arab terratory / al aksa /
    Israeli side of jerusalem / arab road / land for peace / visiting the poop in rome for solutions and assisatnce / land for pea / depending on europe / land fr p / tolerance time will heal / lnd fr / 18,000 rockets /
    ld f p .
    SORRY READERS, THERE IS NO MORE LAND TO GIVE AWAY AS YOU SEE BY THE LACK OF LETTERS LEFT TO FINISH MY STORY.

    THE ONE G-D OF EVERYTHING SAID HE WILL BE THERE WAITING FOR US WHEN WE CRY OUT FOR *HIM.
    ARE WE READY TO CRY OUT TO HASHEM AND NOT OBAMA?

  • Michael Zeffertt

    It is true that there is no ‘p’ in Arabic…so Palestine becomes Falestin with an ‘f’. I have to say I wish there was no effin’ Palestine!

Leave a Reply

Please note: comments may be published in the Algemeiner print edition.


Current day month ye@r *

More...

  • Book Reviews Personalities How a Jewish Leader With 3 Months to Live Created a ‘Seminar’ on Life

    How a Jewish Leader With 3 Months to Live Created a ‘Seminar’ on Life

    JNS.org – What would you do if you found out that you had only three more months to live? Gordon Zacks was a successful businessman, a leader of Jewish life, and a confidante and adviser to President George H.W. Bush. He knew that he had prostate cancer, but doctors advised him that it was very slow-growing and nothing to worry about. Then came the day when the doctors told him his cancer metastasized to his liver, and that he had [...]

    Read more →
  • Blogs Theater 10 Things I Learned From My Play About Holocaust Denial

    10 Things I Learned From My Play About Holocaust Denial

    Last month, my one-man show Hoaxocaust! Written and performed by Barry Levey with the generous assistance of the Institute for Political and International Studies, Tehran ran in the New York International Fringe Festival, where it won an Overall Excellence Award. The play has now been selected to run in the Fringe Encores Series at Baruch College’s Performing Arts Center, for four performances which started on Thursday, September 11. Getting the play to the stage was not easy, however. Here are [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Israel Israeli Music Producer Racks Up Over 535,000 YouTube Hits – in Two Days

    Israeli Music Producer Racks Up Over 535,000 YouTube Hits – in Two Days

    Phenomenon: Tel Aviv-based musician and “sampler” extraordinaire, Kutiman (aka Ophir Kutiel) has hit another one out of the park with “Give It Up,” a fully-functioning song in its own right, assembled from hundreds of ameteur and instructional music videos. The Jerusalem-born musical prodigy is best know for his diverse online musical projects. In the latest video, uploaded to YouTube on Sept. 12th, Kutiel thanked most of the musicians and individuals he chose to include in the meticulously-edited clip, which opens with [...]

    Read more →
  • Theater US & Canada Behind-the-Scenes Reel of Ridley Scott’s Moses Epic Shows Scenes Using 4000 Extras (VIDEO)

    Behind-the-Scenes Reel of Ridley Scott’s Moses Epic Shows Scenes Using 4000 Extras (VIDEO)

    A recently released behind-the-scenes reel of Ridley Scott’s upcoming film Exodus: Gods and Kings shows just how far the director has gone to portray one of the Bible’s most famous narratives. In the clip, which shows scenes involving up to 4,000 extras, the visionary director discusses what drew him to the biblical tale of Moses. “The Moses story was a massive challenge, which I really love. I wanted to explore the complexity of his character and I was stunned by [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Jewish Identity Turner Classic Movies Showcases ‘Broad Sweep’ of the Jewish Experience on Film

    Turner Classic Movies Showcases ‘Broad Sweep’ of the Jewish Experience on Film

    JNS.org – Since 2006, the Turner Classic Movies (TCM) cable and satellite TV network has hosted “The Projected Image,” a month-long showcase examining how different cultural and ethnic groups have been portrayed on the big screen. At last, after previously covering African Americans, Asians, the LGBT community, Latinos, Native Americans, Arabs, and people with disabilities, the annual series is delving into Jewish film this month. “The Projected Image: The Jewish Experience on Film,” whose first segment aired Sept. 2, runs [...]

    Read more →
  • Book Reviews Jewish Identity An Inside Look at the Hasidim (REVIEW)

    An Inside Look at the Hasidim (REVIEW)

    The sight of young girls in pinafores and young boys wearing peyos – sidelocks – dangling over their ears is a sure sign that you have entered the enigmatic precincts of the Hasidim – the pious ones. Veteran New York Times journalist Joseph Berger’s new book, THE PIOUS ONES: The World of Hasidim and their Battles with America, takes the reader on a journey into the enclaves where various sects of Jews live a seemingly outmoded way of life in [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Jewish Identity How Jewish Television Pioneer Milton Berle Inspired Modern Comedy Stars

    How Jewish Television Pioneer Milton Berle Inspired Modern Comedy Stars

    JNS.org – Today’s comedy superstars, especially those whose careers are driven by television, may very well owe their success to pioneering Jewish entertainer Milton Berle. Born Mendel Berlinger in Manhattan in 1908, Berle became America’s first small-screen star. Aptly nicknamed “Mr. Television,” he influenced and helped promote the work of hundreds of younger comics. “Milton Berle was deceptively successful and very Jewish,” says Lawrence Epstein, author of The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America, published the year [...]

    Read more →
  • Jewish Identity Sports Jewish ‘Hoops Whisperer’ a Secret Weapon for NBA Stars

    Jewish ‘Hoops Whisperer’ a Secret Weapon for NBA Stars

    JNS.org – Idan Ravin’s friends chipped in to buy him a humble but life-changing bar mitzvah gift—a basketball hoop his father attached to the roof of his garage. Little did his friends know that years later, he would be the personal trainer of National Basketball Association (NBA) stars Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, and Stephen Curry. Ravin’s new book, “The Hoops Whisperer: On the Court and Inside the Head of Basketball’s Best Players,” details his rise from a Jewish upbringing [...]

    Read more →



Sign up now to receive our regular news briefs.