2016: Palestinian Diary (SATIRE)

November 26, 2012 1:08 pm 2 comments

PA President Mahmoud Abbas. Photo: wiki commons.

Ramallah, Nov. 29, 2016– This diary in Arabic (translated here ) was found here today in the ruins of PLO headquarters, apparently from the journals of PLO chief Mahmoud Abbas, also known by the nickname Abu-Abbas.

Dear Diary (November 20, 2012),

Some of my best friends are Jewish, people whose families came from Poland and stole our orchards. They have a saying in their Yiddish dialect: tzis shvehr tzuzayn ah-yid: It is hard to be Jewish.

Well, diary, I don’t usually get inspiration from the Jews who came from Poland, but it is hard to be Palestinian, especially a Palestinian leader. It is like what that Jewish comedian, Rodney Dangerfield,  used to say: “I get no respect.” Or as they say in Chicago: “Don’t you be disrespecting me!!!!”

As I get us closer to UN recognition, the whole world only talks about those primitive ruffians in Hamas who launched  rockets at Israel, only to be bloodied.

But let me get back to Poland. Some of our people are saying that my comrade, Yasser Arafat, was poisoned by the Polish-born Zionists with a radioactive element named for Poland—Polonium.

That is why this week we spent our time digging up the rotting body of my predecessor, the greatest Palestinian leader,  Yasser Arafat, whose real name was Muhammad Raouf al-Kudwa, and who was never a Palestinian. [Yes, of course we pretend Raouf  was "Palestinian," but we know very well that he was born and raised in Egypt and, until the Zionists poisoned him with their Polish stuff, he spoke with an Egyptian accent.]

Sometimes—even most of the time—being a leader means having to pretend. I had many differences with Raouf, but when he became “Arafat” he showed me and others just how far you could get by talking out of both sides one’s mouth.  He was invited to the UN, and he got a Nobel Peace Prize for tricking the Zionists into thinking he actually wanted to make friends with them. He was a genius, that Raouf. And he was never even coached and trained the way the Russian KGB taught me. He was a natural dissimulator. Perhaps that is the reason he took the nickname “Abu ‘Amaar,” recalling ‘Amaar, the first Muslim to practice taqiyya, the art of Islamic deception.

Think of it, he got a Nobel Peace Prize and a UN presence without having a country, an army or even a teleprompter.

There was an American president named Lincoln who said you could not fool all of the people all of the time.  Maybe.  But as I learned from Yasser, there is no limit on how much and how often you can fool someone, if they want to be fooled. There are even Zionists who think that Hamas in Gaza and the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt will make peace with them.

I must give Hamas and the Brotherhood credit. They are learning the tricks that Arafat and I taught them: Always tell people what they want to believe.

It is like telling the world that Raouf was killed with a Polish poison administered by Zionists. We know the truth. We know just how many ailments Raouf had.

We who pretend to be Palestinian leaders, we who pretend to be interested in peace, we know that Raouf was a homosexual pedophile. He had no interest in women, and no interest in peace with Israel, but only in taking pieces out of Israel.

As for “Palestine,” anyone who knows Arabic knows that “Palestine”   is a foreign word in Arabic. We do not even have a “P” in our alphabet. But there is a “P” in Hebrew, and  I love to watch Israeli leftists who never studied Arabic or our culture go into an ecstatic rapture about the need to establish “Palestine.”

Yes Raouf was right about the Israeli Left. There is no limit to how many times you can fool those who want to be fooled.

I hope when I die that they dig up my body too, like Raouf’s, and then re-bury me with full military honors. Then I will finally get the respect that is due me.

Dr. Michael Widlanski, an expert on Arab politics and communications, is the author of  Battle for Our Minds: Western Elites and the Terror Threat published by  Threshold/Simon and Schuster. A former reporter, correspondent and editor, respectively at The New York Times, Cox Newspapers and The Jerusalem Post, he was  Strategic Affairs Advisor in Israel’s Ministry of Public Security and teaches at Bar Ilan University.

2 Comments

  • I would like to remind or educate your readers of the “label palistinain”

    Every Jew at one time pre1948 was a palsitinian.
    Arabs were not called that wonderful endearing name given by rome over 2000 years ago to Israel and The tribes of Israel to replace the name Israel and hebrew etc.

    Before 1973 I dont think we ever heard an arab calling himself a pali.It was arafart that did the media PR.

    The Jews as usual like sheep followed by using that name as a arab description as well as using a few more false terms such as: west bank / occupied territory / settlers / east jerusalem / arab terratory / al aksa /
    Israeli side of jerusalem / arab road / land for peace / visiting the poop in rome for solutions and assisatnce / land for pea / depending on europe / land fr p / tolerance time will heal / lnd fr / 18,000 rockets /
    ld f p .
    SORRY READERS, THERE IS NO MORE LAND TO GIVE AWAY AS YOU SEE BY THE LACK OF LETTERS LEFT TO FINISH MY STORY.

    THE ONE G-D OF EVERYTHING SAID HE WILL BE THERE WAITING FOR US WHEN WE CRY OUT FOR *HIM.
    ARE WE READY TO CRY OUT TO HASHEM AND NOT OBAMA?

  • Michael Zeffertt

    It is true that there is no ‘p’ in Arabic…so Palestine becomes Falestin with an ‘f’. I have to say I wish there was no effin’ Palestine!

Leave a Reply

Please note: comments may be published in the Algemeiner print edition.


Current day month ye@r *

More...

  • Blogs Education Seeds of ‘Start-Up Nation’ Cultivated by Israel Sci-Tech Schools

    Seeds of ‘Start-Up Nation’ Cultivated by Israel Sci-Tech Schools

    JNS.org – Forget the dioramas. How about working on an Israeli Air Force drone? That’s exactly the kind of beyond-their-years access enjoyed by students at the Israel Aerospace Industries (IAI) industrial vocational high school run by Israel Sci-Tech Schools, the largest education network in the Jewish state. More than 300 students (250 on the high school level and 68 at a two-year vocational academy) get hands-on training in the disciplines of aviation mechanics, electricity and energy control, and unmanned air [...]

    Read more →
  • Beliefs and concepts Education Haredim and Bedouin: A Tale of Two Communities Transformed by Vocational Education

    Haredim and Bedouin: A Tale of Two Communities Transformed by Vocational Education

    JNS.org – Low enlistment rates in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). High rates of poverty. Communal resistance to traditional schooling. Difficulty finding employment or a lack of motivation to be employed. These conditions are shared by two sectors of the Israeli population that the casual observer likely wouldn’t group together: haredi Jews and Bedouin. Through its operation of schools for each population, however, the Israel Sci-Tech Schools Network seeks to give haredim and Bedouin a brighter future in the Jewish [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Theater US & Canada New Play Explores the ‘Arrogance’ of American Jews Critical of Israel, Playwright Says

    New Play Explores the ‘Arrogance’ of American Jews Critical of Israel, Playwright Says

    In his new play Mr. Goldberg Goes to Tel Aviv, playwright Oren Safdie tackles an issue that he has a major concern with: the relationship between Israelis and left-leaning Diaspora Jews with their “I know better” critical views. At the heart of the one-act play is Tony, a Jewish and gay Palestinian sympathizer who expresses strong anti-Israel sentiments when the play begins and at one point even sides with a Palestinian terrorist who holds his captive. Tony, who is also an [...]

    Read more →
  • Music US & Canada Hassidic Parody of Taylor Swift Song Apes Long Jewish Holidays (VIDEO)

    Hassidic Parody of Taylor Swift Song Apes Long Jewish Holidays (VIDEO)

    A Jewish comedy troupe released a parody video on Wednesday of Taylor Swift’s hit song Shake It Off in which they joke about taking extensive time off from work for Jewish holidays. “And the goyim gonna stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. And the Jews are gonna pray, pray pray, pray, pray. I’m just gonna take, take, take, take, take. I’m taking off,” goes the chorus for I’m Taking Off. Menachem Weinstein, the video’s lead singer, is the creative director at [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Jewish Literature On 75th Anniversary, Looking at the Jewish Influence on Gone With the Wind

    On 75th Anniversary, Looking at the Jewish Influence on Gone With the Wind

    JNS.org – The 75th anniversary of the premiere of “Gone with the Wind” on Dec. 15 presents an opportunity to examine the Jewish influence on one of the most popular films of all time. That influence starts with the American Civil War epic’s famed producer, David O. Selznick. Adjusted for inflation, “Gone with the Wind” remains the highest-grossing movie ever made. It earned the 1939 Academy Award for Best Picture, the same honor another Selznick film, “Rebecca,” garnered in 1940. Selznick [...]

    Read more →
  • Featured Music US & Canada EXCLUSIVE: Matisyahu Provides Most Extensive Analysis Yet of His Religious, Musical Evolution (INTERVIEW)

    EXCLUSIVE: Matisyahu Provides Most Extensive Analysis Yet of His Religious, Musical Evolution (INTERVIEW)

    Matisyahu got candid in an exclusive interview with The Algemeiner on Monday about his religious and musical journey – after shedding his Chassidic skin, yarmulke, long beard and all – from the start of his career in 2005 when he became a reggae superstar with hits King Without a Crown and Jerusalem. The singer-songwriter embarks on his Festival of Light tour this month, an annual Hanukkah event that stops in Montreal, New York, and other cities before ending in San Juan, [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture Personalities ‘Sheriff of Mars’ Unveils Endearing Life of Jewish Music Star Hidden in the Fields of France

    ‘Sheriff of Mars’ Unveils Endearing Life of Jewish Music Star Hidden in the Fields of France

    JNS.org – It was an era of steel strings, guitar heroes, and storytellers—high on heroin, rebellious. Outlaw country music, the hallmark of Nashville’s powerful and angry music scene of the 1970s, was the brew of greats such as Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and Townes Van Zandt. But there is another, little-known music hero of that era: Daniel Antopolsky. A Jewish lad from Augusta, Ga.—the son of immigrants who settled in the south and ran a hardware store on Main Street—the [...]

    Read more →
  • Arts and Culture US & Canada Iranian Actress Replaces Israel’s Gal Gadot for ‘Ben-Hur’ Remake

    Iranian Actress Replaces Israel’s Gal Gadot for ‘Ben-Hur’ Remake

    Iranian actress Nazanin Boniadi replaced Israeli star Gal Gadot as the female lead in the new Ben-Hur remake, Hollywood.com reported on Tuesday. The Homeland actress will play Esther, a slave that Ben-Hur sets free and falls in love with. Gadot quit the movie when it became clear that filming conflicted with her schedule for the Man of Steel sequel. The Israeli actress plays Wonder Woman in the superhero film Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Actor Jack Huston takes on the [...]

    Read more →



Sign up now to receive our regular news briefs.