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July 29, 2014 12:58 pm

The Onion Satirical Site Mocks Hamas Use of Human Shields – ‘We Are Starting to Have Second Thoughts’

avatar by Shiryn Ghermezian

Satirical American newspaper The Onion was created in 1988. Photo: The Onion.

Satirical American newspaper The Onion was created in 1988. Photo: The Onion.

Satirical website The Onion ridiculed Hamas’ use of human shields in Gaza in a recent mock article claiming that hundreds of Gaza Strip residents are starting to think twice about allowing the terror group to use them in its fight against Israel.

The fabricated story quotes Gaza resident Azzam al-Salhi saying, “At this point, I have to say I’m pretty much on the fence about having militants strategically store their missile batteries in and around my home, which Israel will almost certainly want to bomb.”

In The Onion’s account, Al-Salhi explains that while he understands Hamas’ reliance on guerrilla tactics, he fears the possibility of being killed by an Israeli airstrike intended for Hamas terrorists.

“When I think about it, I guess I’d go so far as to say that I don’t completely enjoy how this is being done entirely without my consent. And I’m not crazy about the fact that Hamas is actually okay with me dying as long as it fuels both resentment toward Israel and support for the party,” he says. “If I’m being honest, I don’t like that part at all. But then, sometimes I put myself in Hamas’ shoes, and I guess I sort of appreciate where they’re coming from, so it’s tough.”

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“Of course, my kids hate it—they’ve actually told me that a couple of times,” he adds. “Oh, well, I guess I’ll give it a couple more weeks and see how I feel about it then.”

In conclusion, The Onion claims that sources confirmed an inbound missile heading towards Gaza was about to solidify thousands of Palestinians’ opinions on the use of human shields.

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