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July 20, 2012 2:30 am

My First Israeli Terror Victim

avatar by Marina Boykis

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Itzik, taken by his wife in October 2009, months after marrying Gilat.

Heading back from a friend’s wedding at 1:00 AM, my boyfriend called to say, “You remember Itzik? Yoni’s friend? He was on that flight with his wife. They can’t find him. Rumor has it that he was loading their luggage as the bomb exploded. No one knows anything.” The second I hung up the phone, a sickening feeling crept into my stomach. I immediately hopped onto my computer and began reading the latest news about the terrorist attack in Bulgaria, hoping that Itzik Kolangi had been found.

We barely slept all night. In the morning, we awoke to the foreseeable news; Itzik had died in the attack and his wife Gilat Kolangi was fighting for her life in urgent care at a hospital in Sofia, Bulgaria. Meanwhile, their four-month-old infant Noya was with her grandparents in Israel.

Itzik became the first Israeli terror victim who I’ve ever personally known. Back in college, I had shared the stories of Israel’s terror victims with U.S. students in hopes of putting a face to the thousands murdered before, during and after the Intifadas.  I’d sat behind a military desk, writing blog posts and tweets on terror attacks as a soldier in the IDF Spokesperson Unit’s New Media Desk. I’d stood at the grave site of Michael Levin with a group of young soldiers from the Unit, bawling my eyes out as I tried to give them a sense of what was lost when Michael fell during the Second Lebanon War.

But when you personally know a terror victim, the feelings stay long after their story has been told. The thoughts don’t leave you because you quickly understand that it could have been a family member or close friend. That it could have even been you and your boyfriend on the way to a long-awaited vacation.

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A few months back, my boyfriend and I left the Tel Aviv bubble and headed towards Jerusalem. We drove to Moshav Tzlafon, to visit some of his hometown buddies and their wives. One of them had moved to the moshav after tying the knot.

As an olah hadasha (new Israeli immigrant), it is a little nerve racking to hang out with Israelis in an entirely Hebrew-speaking environment. So I took a deep breath before walking into the house, and exhaled as I greeted everyone in the room with a friendly “shalom.”

I remember walking past a new born baby sleeping in one of those hip strollers as I headed for the buffet. After filling up my plate with Israeli salad, hummus and other local dishes, I plopped down on the comfortable black couch. Sitting next to me was Gilat, who filled the room with her friendly, easy-going spirit. “Is that all you’re going to have,” she said, instantly striking up a conversation with a smile on her face. “What about the burekas? You don’t want to eat them?” After almost three years in Israel, I have yet to acquire the taste for the Israeli pastry. So I politely explained that we had accidently eaten before coming, saving myself from a potentially awkward situation.

After lunch, the festivities moved outdoors; we all drank beers and cava by the pool. I remember being struck by fledgling parents Gilat and Itzik. They were full of life and cheerful. They and the other Israelis made me feel like I was in the presence of old friends, even though we had just met a couple of hours ago.

Then the conversation—like it often does when an oleh is sitting among new Israeli friends—turned to giving up the U.S. dream for life in Israel. Gilat and Itzik both said that if they had the option, they wouldn’t mind moving to the States. They weren’t the only ones with the same wishful thinking. Most of the other Israelis shared the same fantasy. Their curiosity pushed them to ask the obvious question: Why on earth had I given up my life in the U.S. for life in Israel.

I explained that despite the hardships of living in Israel (at the time referring to economic difficulties, rather than terror attacks), there was something invigorating about this country. Living in the U.S. is more comfortable, but it lacks the spice of Israel. Israeli cities like Tel Aviv are full of life and contagious energy. Living here at times can feel way too intense—almost like attending a big family gathering. But at the same time, it’s freeing to know that it’s OK to be you when you are among “family.” I told Itzik that after living a comfortable suburban life in Plymouth, Minnesota and a brief stint in Washington, D.C., I wouldn’t want to live anywhere but here—in Israel.

Tonight I saw Itzik’s face for the second time. It was on the home page of all the local papers, which displayed victims of the terrorist attack in Burgas. Itzik and Gilat had flown to Burgas to celebrate his 28th birthday, leaving their four-month-old daughter with her grandparents. I can’t stop thinking about my afternoon with Itzik and Gilat. I’m praying for her recovery. And wondering what this means for their baby girl. Most of all, I’m trying to understand why some of us are taken from this world, while others like you and me get to stay here.

Prior to working for the social media agency Blink, Marina Boykis served as a press officer on the New Media Desk of the IDF Spokesperson’s Unit. She made aliyah in 2009 after working for the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee.

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  • I’m so sorry for your loss.I was speechless after reading the last paragraph…Losing a friend under this circumstances is hard to take.Hope you better now!

  • You moved me through your article.It’s difficult to read about your friend’s death in a newspaper.Even though you already knew.Seeing the news makes you realise it’s actually true.Sorry for your loss!

  • I’m so sorry to hear that.It’s hard to lose a friend especially on that circumstances.I hope you are feeling much better now thinking that Itzik will never be forgotten.

  • Maybe we’ll know the answer to the last question only when we’ll be taken away too… I truly hope that when that happens we enter a state of universal knowledge and understanding.

  • The last paragraph made me speechless… Great article

  • sarah

    Thank you for this….the last is the question we all ask.

  • sarah

    Thank you for this….the last is the question we all ask.

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