Monday, October 3rd | 8 Tishri 5783

September 17, 2013 7:10 am

The Gospel of Obama (SATIRE)

avatar by Michael Widlanski

President Obama on Fox News. Photo: Screenshot.

When it comes to Barack Obama, the world is divided into three groups: those who think he is God and those who criticize him.

“Now, wait a minute,” you yell. “You only named two groups.”

The answer is that those who criticize Obama are always divided into at least two sub-groups: those who think he is incompetent and those who think he is evil, or those who think his presidency is a comedy show and those who think it’s tragedy.

Before assessing the critics, one should recall that Obama’s faith bloc—Democrats and most media—feel HE is infallible. When HE does something really dumb (Egypt, Syria, Russia), cruel (Libya), or unethical (Solyndra, IRS, monitoring reporters, etc.), HE has not erred. We have failed to penetrate His divine plan.

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Actually, if this were another president of another party, we would have several special prosecutors and select investigatory committees looking into the hidden wisdom of His actions. But the true believers are blocking investigations because Man and Woman do not investigate God. They sing praise and answer Amen.

As for the two kinds of blasphemers who reject “Amen” but are not sure if HE  is a dope or devious liar, maybe they are both right.

“There is nothing so powerful as truth, and often nothing so strange,” Daniel Webster said many years ago – but his words never seemed so accurate as today.

Every time you think events cannot get any weirder, just listen to a speech from the White House, the European Union (EU), or the United Nations (UN).

No author would dare write a political novel where a U.S. president spurns the Senate’s express wish not to send an ambassador to an Arab despot (Assad), and then the Arab despot murders tens of thousands and ups the bloody ante by using weapons of mass destruction to mock the U.S. president who warned him about crossing “a red line.”

No novelist or screenwriter would write a scenario of a U.S. president overheard promising to be “flexible” with a Russian dictator who is the protector of a blood-thirsty Arab despot. No author would dare write about a president appeasing a Russian dictator who uses radioactive poison to murder his domestic opponents. No one would believe an author who wrote that this U.S. president threatened to go to war and then backed down between lunch and dinner in order to rely on the radiation murderer to disarm the Arab despot who is using chemical weapons to kill thousands of his people.

“The use of chemical weapons is something that the United States finds totally deplorable and completely unacceptable,” declared Josh Kasten, the deputy press secretary to President Obama.

Later, God’s Sexton, Secretary of State John Kerry, said God’s use of retribution would be “incredibly small.” God has gotten a lot kinder and gentler since Sodom, Gomorrah, and Nineveh, and besides, God did not want to stress out HIS Faith Bloc.

God now operates differently.

Remember how God in the Bible was angry when Egypt was mean to Israel. No longer.

Now God in the White House threatens to smite Egypt—at least cutting U.S. aid—because Egypt’s army ousted the new Islamist pharaoh and the Muslim Brotherhood, the world’s largest Arab terror group and the spiritual godfather of Al Qaeda and Hamas.

God in the White House felt  bad about the loss of Brotherhood leader Muhammad Morsi, even though Morsi could not even bring himself to say the word “Israel” in public, and even though Morsi repeats how he hates peace with Israel and considers Jews to be the descendants of APES AND PIGS.

The Saudis, in a strange way, have become bigger supporters of Egyptian-Israeli peace (that they once opposed) than God’s Administration. [The Faith Bloc will doubtless say that this was all God’s plan.] This is kind of funny, but deadly true. The Saudis are re-enacting a horror novel written by Mary Shelly: Frankenstein. For years, Saudis bankrolled the Muslim Brotherhood. Now they see they played the role of Dr. Frankenstein, and created a monster that now wants to kill them.

Truth really is stranger than fiction. Here are two more examples of God’s vision.

∙        God’s  Administration still supports Turkey’s Recep Erdogan as the very model of the moderate Islamic leader, though Erdogan aided Hamas terrorists in Gaza. God and Hillary Clinton urged Israel to apologize to Erdogan for intercepting the terror flotilla to Gaza. Unbelievable.

∙        Also, Israel’s greatest friend, God, pressed Israel to release convicted terrorists as a way of reaching peace with the PLO—something that supposedly already happened 20 years ago. Let us entertain one more sacrilegious thought: The PLO does not want peace, and its leader, Mahmoud Abbas, is not really the leader of the Palestinians because his term of office expired at least four years ago. Yet God in the White House and High Priest John Kerry insist the PLO-Israel “peace process” is really like a human pregnancy. God will engineer a miraculous birth in nine months. Since God has caused miraculous conceptions and births before, why cannot HE and High Priest Kerry do it again? Yes, this and the dismantling of Syria’s chemical weapons all by the mid-term elections in 2014.

Since these true-life scenarios are weirder than anything any respectable fiction writer would dare concoct, why not suggest one more scenario:

∙   Following Egypt’s example, Israel gives up its American aid in return for Saudi aid of ten billion dollars a year. Israel decides to help Egypt’s generals defeat the Muslim Brotherhood and also to knock out the Islamist nuclear threat in Iran. As a deal sweetener, the Saudis allow Israeli planes to over-fly Saudi Arabia on the way to Iran, as well as using base facilities for planes and infantry units. The Saudis ask that there be no mini-skirts on Israel’s women soldiers. In return, Israel pledges no United Jewish Appeal victory tours to Riyad, Jedda, or, God Forbid, Mecca.

And one more thing: God in the White House nominates the Russian dictator, Vladimir Putin, for the Nobel Peace Prize.

After all, some things are God’s will, and we should not question them. Take them on faith.

Dr. Michael Widlanski is the author of Battle for Our Minds: Western Elites and the Terror Threat published by  Threshold/Simon and Schuster. He was Strategic Affairs Advisor in Israel’s Ministry of Public Security, and he will be a visiting professor at the University of California, Irvine.

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