Why We Just Had Our Ninth Child
My wife Esther and I were blessed with the birth of our ninth child just a few weeks ago. Here’s how some people greeted the news:
“How many more children are you going to have?”
“Boy, you sure have your hands full…”
“You should get cable television…”
Don’t get me wrong: I understand the shock on people’s faces when they hear how many children we have. I can even empathize with their perspective and some of their responses. After all, raising children involves an enormous sacrifice of time, comfort, effort and financial resources.
So why did my wife and I decide to have such a large family? Have we no limit?
The simple answer is “no.”
From a global perspective: No, there’s no limit to our desire to populate our broken world with Jews who will work to heal it — with acts of kindness, goodness and joy.
From a Jewish perspective: No, there’s no limit to our desire to replace the six million who were wiped out in the Holocaust.
Nobel Laureate Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor, was hesitant to marry and have children after the evils that he witnessed. The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, of blessed memory, told him, “If you will not marry and bring more Jewish children into the world, that will be a victory for Hitler.”
We are resolved to respond to death with life; to replace hatred with love; to expel darkness with light. When Esther and I are asked, “When are you going to stop,” we retort: “When we hit six million!” That usually ends the discussion.
But from a more personal perspective: No, there’s no limit to our desire to fulfill the first commandment in the Bible: “Be fruitful and multiply.” Not because we are religious-fanatics. But because we know that, after all is said and done, our lives are defined not by what we take from society — but by what we give to it.
The Talmud suggests that God will ask us six questions after we die. One of them is: “Were you fruitful? Did you multiply?” In other words, “Did you produce any new fruits that will benefit others? Were you a giver or a taker? Did you make a difference in my world? Did you live a life that was dedicated to others, and not just to the self and the ‘selfie’ mentality?”
Over the years, I have heard many women regret their decision to have just a few children. They wish they could have had more, but as one woman told me this week, “Life got in the way.”
These women are not alone. We all carry such regrets. At times, we look back at our lives and we realize that some of our past endeavors — which may have cost us blood, sweat and tears — turned out to be, at best, unsatisfactory.
Yet, as all parents can attest, there stands one endeavor that is guaranteed to succeed: The endeavor to be “fruitful and multiply.” It may challenge us to no end. It may transform our lives. It may even shatter our peace of mind and force us out of our comfort-zone. But, ultimately, it will turn out to be the most rewarding endeavor of our lives, and its impact and delicious fruits will last to eternity.
There’s a line in “The Shawshank Redemption” that sums up life in a blunt and truthful way: “Life comes down to a simple choice: You get busy living or you get busy dying.”
Moses, the greatest leader of all times, left this idea ringing in our ears: “Choose life so that you and your children may live.”
Esther and I have decided to choose life and to get busy living. Our house is bursting with children — and we are very grateful. All of us, though, can get busy bringing life to the world through our actions and deeds. Our biological heirs are necessarily finite. But the number of our spiritual heirs — those whose lives we’ve touched for the good — can be limitless.
Will you join us?