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April 6, 2015 9:00 pm

Thank Goodness That Barack Obama and Iran Have Learned So Much From the Jews

avatar by Michael Widlanski

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"As Jews searched and scrubbed their homes, Obama and Kerry tried to scrub Iran's bomb-making and treaty violations." Photo: Wikimedia Commons.

The US-Iran nuclear pact, certifying that Iran’s nuclear program is strictly kosher, is like the way Jews remove bread, beer, and booze from their homes before  Passover: the key is NOT ACTUALLY DESTROYING OR REMOVING ALL THE  “STUFF.”

Jews with a good stock of single malt scotch and small batch bourbon – stuff  that is worth a lot – may hesitate to destroy those spirits, even if they are full of religious spirit. The Iranian leaders are also men of spirit and they love their bombs. So obviously they do not want to destroy their “stuff.”

Let’s get back to the Jews and their forbidden products. It is an especially big problem if you are a Jew who owns a bakery, a liquor store, or are a farmer, restaurateur, or warehouse owner with large supplies of products that are banned.

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Jews are commanded by the bible (Exodus, Chapter 12) not to have any bread or “leavened products” in their possession on Passover.

Matzahs are “poor bread.” They are, if you will, “un-enriched” bread that has only gone 18 minutes towards fermenting. They are like low-grade uranium but they can be more dangerous because they reach a critical mass more easily.

Any baked or fermented product that goes over 18 minutes tastes better, but it is considered illegal, “enriched” weapons-grade hametz, and it is expressly forbidden.

Of course Jews try to clean their houses for several days or weeks before the final “search” for hametz on Passover Eve. This search ends the pre-Passover preparations. Jews scour their houses imposing a code of inspection that would flatten even a Marine Corps drill instructor, let alone a UN arms inspector.

This year, the search for hametz in Jewish homes coincided with the feverish efforts of Barack Obama and John Kerry to get a deal with Iran. As Jews searched and scrubbed their homes, Obama and Kerry tried to scrub Iran’s bomb-making and treaty violations.

Obama and Kerry accepted Iran’s pretense that it wants uranium and plutonium for energy or medical use, even though there are no Iranian  plans to make its electrical grid nuclear-ready, and also because there is only one use for plutonium: killing people.

When Obama and Kerry failed to get Iran to destroy its “stuff,” they decided to borrow the Jewish idea for dealing with illegal “stuff” before Passover.

Jews came up with the idea of selling the products that cannot or should not be destroyed. Jewish bakers sell their stocks of cake mix to a non-Jew who usually agrees to sell the stuff back at the end of Passover. Jewish afficianados of scotch and bourbon can do the same.  They do not even have to move the baked products or booze from their cellars or bars. They just lock them up or cover them with a cloth and a sign. Obama has a similar cover-up.

Iran will sell weapons grade atomic fuel to “Rabbi” Vladimir Putin, who will certify that everything is kosher. After all, “Rabbi” Putin knows what is kosher. He previously certified that Bashar Assad of Syria was kosher.

Putin is an expert on radioactive products and chemical weapons, and he is careful to feed deadly radioactive products only to Russian journalists and dissidents.

Everyone wins. Obama gets a deal. The devilish Vladimir Putin looks like an angel. Europe can do profitable business with Iran. John Kerry gets a Nobel Peace Prize. Iran keeps its nuclear options but stops Western sanctions.

And the Jews get matzah laced with plutonium.

Later, the rest of the world will learn what this tastes like.

Dr. Michael Widlanski is the author of Battle for Our Minds: Western Elites and the Terror Threat, published by Threshold/ Simon and Schuster.  He teaches at Bar-Ilan University , was strategic affairs advisor in Israel ‘s Ministry of Public Security, and was the Schusterman visiting professor at University of California, Irvine for 2013-14.

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  • Michael

    John Kerry might be in line for a Nobel Peace prize, but the wait will be eternal for any similar recognition for Bibi Netanyahoo. Meantime, where are the international inspectors that need to sniff around the Israeli nuclear installations?

  • Dov Nardi

    Dr. Widlanski’s unfortunately regular fare are his biting comments humorously homing in a most cutting way at the core issues under discussion. Few see things as clearly through such deliberate obfuscation.

  • Reform School

    Iran needs nukes not for Israel, but for the United States. https://youtu.be/pklr0UD9eSo

  • Lisa T. from St. Louis

    I absolutely applaud your ability to preach and teach at the same time. As a non-Jew, I am excited to learn more about your beliefs and customs, while at the same time, broaden my understanding this crazy, messed-up world. Kudos, Professor.

  • John Pilamt

    Very insightful. Speaks of the games we play – not fulfilling the commands; but who will know.

  • eugenia nayfeld

    BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO

  • Rael

    Brilliant! and so true too.

  • Edward Cohen

    The irony may have been more appropriate for Purim than for Pesach, but the comparison is brilliant.

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